DALLAS – Twenty-Five Year Old Brian Dieter was at a party recently when he ran into former Facebook Friend Rebecca Cadwell, “Well, it was Rebecca Marie before Facebook accidently ended our friendship.” Brian met Rebecca at his friend’s get together and added her on the popular social networking site that exact same night. “We didn’t really talk the first time I met her, but we shared mutual friends, so I decided to send her a request, which she took about a week to accept” says Brian. “I saw her at a party last night and went to write on her wall and tell her it was nice running into her again, but we weren’t friends anymore.” This is when Brian really got confused.
“I don’t know what went wrong? I think there’s a glitch in Facebook’s system that allowed this to happen. Everything was going right with our online networking. I was liking and commenting on her statuses constantly. I even went out of my way to go back to her pictures from years ago and like and comment on those too.” Brian also claims he didn’t speak to her at the party and she actually seemed to be avoiding him the entire night. “Maybe she thinks I deleted her or something and is really mad at me? I guess I can send her another friend request and send a complaint to Facebook HQ about their glitch. They need to fix it soon because who knows how many people this happened to. It makes for really awkward situations amongst our generation.”
1. You wake up in the morning and you don’t have to do a goddamn thing but put on your unwashed jeans and brush your pearly whites.
2. Women are always trying to touch your hair, but you’d rather have your own natural oils be the sole reasoning your hair looks dirty.
3. The barber always wants to spend more time with you than your lunch break allows.
4. You want to get a nice buzz cut in the summer but your already balding friend gets angry at you because he has no other option but to shave his head.
5. Women are always staring at your hair and you constantly have to be like “Yo, my eyes are down here.”
6. Your boss fires you because your perfect genes are making him look bad to the rest of the company.
7. You’re constantly trying to figure out new hairstyles to gravitate toward because you pull off more trends than David fucking Beckham.
8. However, you’d rather get a mullet than a Fohawk.
9. You might have a fantastic beautiful beard, but people never seem to get past your perfectly disheveled hair.
10. You can go days without washing your hair, and you only look better.
11. However, when you do wash your hair, you leave a beautiful smelling fragrance behind in every room you walk into that lasts for days.
12. You’ve washed your hands in a public restroom and used your hair as a drying mechanism because the place was out of paper towels.
Los Angeles transplant, Henry Dupris, makes quite a lot of money between his three part-time jobs and sculpting business. “Rent and gas are so cheap here, I just can’t thank the city enough.” Dupris, who goes out of his way to park in the red zone, also makes sure to never feed the meters. “I just feel like, I make all this money, I don’t know what else to do with it.” Sometimes, Dupris won’t pay fines at all for months so he has to pay even more money to the city. “I think it’s fantastic that there’s so many parking restrictions. We don’t pay enough in taxes. The City does so much for us, and we do so little in return.” Dupris claims his next step is to get his car towed during the anti-gridlock zone hours but he’s currently restoring an old bicycle first so he can get to the impound lot. He’s also currently working with city officials on adding more parking restriction signs throughout Los Angeles neighborhoods.