1. You wake up in the morning and you don’t have to do a goddamn thing but put on your unwashed jeans and brush your pearly whites.
2. Women are always trying to touch your hair, but you’d rather have your own natural oils be the sole reasoning your hair looks dirty.
3. The barber always wants to spend more time with you than your lunch break allows.
4. You want to get a nice buzz cut in the summer but your already balding friend gets angry at you because he has no other option but to shave his head.
5. Women are always staring at your hair and you constantly have to be like “Yo, my eyes are down here.”
6. Your boss fires you because your perfect genes are making him look bad to the rest of the company.
7. You’re constantly trying to figure out new hairstyles to gravitate toward because you pull off more trends than David fucking Beckham.
8. However, you’d rather get a mullet than a Fohawk.
9. You might have a fantastic beautiful beard, but people never seem to get past your perfectly disheveled hair.
10. You can go days without washing your hair, and you only look better.
11. However, when you do wash your hair, you leave a beautiful smelling fragrance behind in every room you walk into that lasts for days.
12. You’ve washed your hands in a public restroom and used your hair as a drying mechanism because the place was out of paper towels.