Month: June 2014

Facebook Rolls Out New “Pro Plans” Starting at $19.99/month

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MENLO PARK, CA – Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg announced his plans for the Facebook Pro Plan* which will separate the basic daily users from the actual die-hard social networkers. “It’s not about the money” claims Zuckerberg, “It’s more about the new features we’ve created that the general public would complain about if it were free. We really want to create a class of people that are serious about their social networking and aren’t just doing it because it is trendy.”

The first plan will start at $19.99/month, or $200.00 upfront for the year and have these new features:

Nudity

There will no longer be restrictions on the types of photos you want to upload. If you just got a boob job/Prince Albert and want to show the world how it looks, you are free to do so without one of your friends hitting the “report” button.

Food/Baby Photo Filtering

You will never have to see another picture of someone’s food or baby again. This includes videos and marriage engagement announcements. The filter will also have an option to only see pictures of cats people post.

Friends List up to 20,000 people

You will no longer be restricted to 5,000 friends; you will be able to now share your private information with 20,000 of your closet friends.

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The second plan will be 39.99/ month, or $400 upfront for the year and have the same new features as the first plan including:

No Privacy

There’s no such thing as personal privacy with the highest pro-plan. Are you trying to track one of your ‘friends’ down but can’t get a hold of them? Now you can know exactly where they are at all times.

Unlimited Friends

You’re so popular that you should have a fan page, but you don’t want to give up seeing what your friends are sharing.

Multiple Identities

If someone is stalking you with the new no privacy feature, just switch to a new identity you create without having to lose your friends list (sponsored by the U.S. Government’s Witness Protection Agency).

You will be able to subscribe to these plans beginning September 2014. 

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