Daily News

The Leaked Secret Behind the Russian Invasion of Ukraine

With all the rumors of former President Yakanovich requesting aid or protecting Russia’s interest in Crimea flying around it’s hard to know what to believe.  However, there is news circulating from the Kremlin’s household maid, Vladlena Kerensky. While dusting off the golden bust of President Putin before polishing the Putin statue in study, she overheard a quiet sobbing.

“It vas very sad,” Vladlena said, “Like a child lost the voods.  He was holding a photograph from 1988 and whispering, ‘Soon you’ll be mine, so soon.’”  Vladlena managed to capture a quick peek at the mysterious photo and texted it to us.

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Directly after the interview a black van appeared and Ms. Kerensky was never heard from again.

The Russian minister of defense denied comment on the photograph and Ms. Kerenksy’s statements.  He did however declare the traditional Olympics invasion to be a bigger success than their Georgian invasion.

Published by Christian Alexandre DeMieux on 3/7/14

Courtesy of teamprocreate.com

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Man Who Let His Old Friend Build Him A Website Claims His Friend “Never Got Around to Finishing it.”

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COLUMBUS, OH. 25 year old Bradley Lewis allowed his aspiring web designer friend, Jon Gillis, to build him a website for his Arts and Crafts business. “Jon and I were old coworkers. We previously hadn’t spoken in years, but he called me out of the blue to see if he could build me a website.” Bradley knows Jon from their previous time working at the Coffee Bean but they lost touch when Jon got fired. “He would always show up late to work, if at all and I think management just got tired of it.”

Bradley also claims Jon would throw house parties and then cancel last minute. “Now that I think about it, he wasn’t ever very reliable, but I’m hoping he’ll get around to finishing my site. I paid him $50 to start it, and he was going to get another $50 upon completion. It’s been a few months, and I’ve only just seen the basic layout with my logo.” Bradley says he’ll give him a few more months, but then he’ll have to cut his losses and learn to use WordPress.

Published by “Ill” Will Nesbitt 2/27/14

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The California Drought Helps Make Room for a Used Car Dealership Over Folsom Lake, CA.

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LOS ANGELES, CA. California is aging. She’s not getting as wet as she used to. Though there’s a limited water supply, the citizens of Folsom Lake will be happy to know that a brand new Used Car Dealership will be opening up on the land where water used to be, as shown in the above image. But, there’s plenty of room left for other businesses that want to move in says Mayor Sean Wilkos. “We’re auctioning off every bit of that land now that the water is gone. This is the best thing that could have happened to this town. That water was just taking up too much space where more businesses could have been.” The Governor has yet to make any comments.

Published by “Ill” Will Nesbitt 2/26/14

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