Man Who Learned The Guitar to “Pick Up Girls” Finally Gets a Girlfriend


RALEIGH, NC – Victor Kovack of North Carolina has been persuaded by pop-culture that women love a man who plays guitar.  “According to my favorite movies and TV shows, girls would always flock to guys with a guitar, that’s when I decided to learn to play in College.” Victor practiced learning all of the best acoustic songs, including “Brown Eyed Girl,” “Wonderwall,” and a variety of Jack Johnson songs. “I figured if I played on the common grounds of my University that I would get so much ass, but no one ever noticed me. Something wasn’t adding up.” This is when Victor decided to write his own songs and perform live.

“I would write original/heartfelt songs about these girls’ eyes being like the stars and shit like that, but I almost felt like it went over their head.” This is when Victor met Sandy in their astronomy class. “One day, I just borrowed her notes when I missed class for an open mic night. I ended up asking her to be study partners so I could “practice” the guitar while we studied, but people who study at the library apparently hate music, so she never got to hear me play.”

Victor and Sandy ended up hitting it off without him ever getting a chance to play for her. When asked if he still plays the guitar, he says: “Naw. I just don’t see the point in playing anymore now that I have a girlfriend.” Victor claims that he was about to resort to buying an electric guitar and starting a band right before Sandy walked into his life. “It was perfect timing because I was not wanting to learn scales. It was hard enough learning chords other than G, C, D, and A.”


Netflix to Move Into Other Industries Because Their Competition is Sitting at Home watching Netflix


LOS GATOS, CA. In a bold move, Netflix CEO Reed Hastings plans to grow the company into an empire that not only caters to instant gratification of today’s media consumption, but also industries like Gourmet Coffee, Fast Food, Grocery Items, and possibly Construction.

“We want to strike while the iron is hot. We often hear the phrase ‘binging on Netflix’ and after some serious case studies, we realize most of our competition is taking part in this” claims Reed. “Our opportunities are endless when you think about it. We could be the purveyor of everything you consume in your life.”

Reed feels like most of the employees of companies like Starbucks, McDonalds, Chevy, and local Grocery Stores all count the minutes until their shift ends so they can eat dinner on the couch, put on Netflix, and watch their favorite Cult Movies, TV Shows like Breaking Bad, and even Netflix’s own original programming like Orange is the New Black. “If this is the case, we have to take advantage of this before people realize how much time they are wasting and they start getting productive again.”

Netflix’s first test market will be with their new Frozen Pizza called ‘Movie ‘Za.’ “How cool will it be when you’re watching Netflix and eating a Netflix made pizza?” asks Reed. “We’re hoping this is the first step into becoming a major player in the food market. If this is a success, you can expect a Coffee brand from us, and then hopefully a Fast Food Chain that delivers food to your door in less than 5 minutes. Basically, we never want anyone to have to to leave their house or apartment again.”

Reed seems confident in Netflix’s move though he’s not entirely sure if the executives of these companies are sitting at home watching Netflix, it might just be the everyday hourly paid employees.

25 Year Old College Graduate Eats Ramen Noodles and Parties Every Weekend


Pittsburgh, PA – Gary Burns graduated college almost four years ago this May, but that doesn’t stop him partying every weekend. “Has it really been that long?” asks Gary. “House parties tend to dissipate after you graduate, so I go out to clubs and bars every weekend instead. It’s pretty much the same thing.” Gary can’t seem to let one other college habit go, and that’s eating Ramen Noodles. “It’s not like I want to eat Ramen, I just can’t afford to eat anything else. I mean my degree got me a great job that pays well, but I can only afford to eat Ramen for some reason.”

Gary said sometimes he drops around anywhere from $200 to $300 a night at the clubs on drinks, and bottle service if his friends join him, but he can’t really afford a decent meal. “My friends all didn’t get good jobs like I did, so they can’t afford to have as much fun as I do every weekend.” When asked if he thinks his friends still eat Ramen Noodles, he replies, “No, because they still live with their parents. I actually have bills to pay.”

But there is light in the end of the tunnel for Gary, he says he’s due for a promotion in a few months, and that he’ll finally be able to afford to make changes to his lifestyle. “Once I get a raise, I think I’ll be able to afford to take monthly trips to Vegas. I hear the party scene there is off the hook.”

LA Parking Enforcement Officer Tickets Himself in the Line of Duty


James Macabee ashamed to show his face.

LOS ANGELES, CA – When Los Angeles Parking Authority Officer James Macabee saw a Toyota Prius parked next to a meter that was flashing red, he immediately pulled over and prepared all of the necessary steps to write the owner a ticket. “My shift started off like any normal day. I got my cup of coffee and drove along Pico Boulevard, but that’s when my day took a turn for the worst.” James says when he came back from carefully placing the ticket under the windshield wiper of the Prius, he noticed he accidentally parked in the red zone. “I wasn’t paying attention to my surroundings and was in a hurry to do my job. It was a violation of the regulations, so I had no choice but to give myself a ticket,” claims Macabee. “It ended up being $78.00; it really killed my plans for the weekend too. I had to stay in because I didn’t budget my income for something like this to happen. However, I know the city only has these laws in place for our safety and nothing else.”


We’re trying to grow beyond our wildest imagination. We’ve also had a lot of views from the UK, so that’s a good sign. But other than that, we have an updated post in the Daily News as well as a review of that new Ebay website that people seem to be using lately. Also, check back for our new Celebrity Gossip page coming!


Today marks our first day as a fully functional blog! Pretty soon, if all goes to plan, you won’t need to visit any other site again in your life. We plan to have the most up to date news, sports, weather, and reviews all for you to enjoy without the hassle of using your address bar.

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